The Balancing Act: How our perception of the masculine and feminine define our reality
On a beautiful Sunday morning, I found myself standing in the balcony spellbound by the experience that my five senses had conjured up. I watched the sky relinquish in ecstasy, rejuvenating our abode with the earthy smell, cool breeze and the ever-soothing music of nature. This marked the arrival of the most cherished season in the Sahyadris, the monsoon, a season of nurture. I couldn’t help but admire the beauty and perfection of the creation, a creation oozing intelligence which is beyond the intellectual capacity of humanity.
I ruminated over this magnificent phenomenon only to find myself limited by my intellectual boundaries and my human sensibilities. I realised the enduring limitations of my human perception. I couldn’t help but admire the only rule of thumb which allows this physical existence to function at full throttle and that is Balance-the balance between the dualities of this existence.
A closer look at our existence reveals its dual nature to us. Opposing forces such as the polarities of the planet (North pole, south pole), the duality of the genders (Male and female), the dual quality of human days (Day and Night), active and passive states of energy; All these wonders exist in complete harmony, not contradicting but complementing each other and co-existing in a beautiful state of balance.
The human condition is also characterised by the dual nature of our existence. We human beings are a combination of masculine and feminine qualities irrespective of the genders. The words associated with the masculine qualities are strong, assertive, power, ego-driven, bravado, conquest, objective, dominant, single tasking, competitive, focused, stubborn, opinionated, cold and direct. Similarly, the words associated with the feminine side are patience, compassion, tender, nurturing, considerate, creative, surrender, empathetic, emotional, intuitive, collaborative etc. All these qualities manifest in each individual in differing intensities. The biological orientation of an individual plays a crucial role in the manifestation of these qualities. Feminine qualities are more likely to be dominant in most women and Masculine qualities in most men.
However, equal acknowledgement of both the aspects of our being is a rare sight in our culture. A brief look at our history tells us how conquests became a way of life, establishing a very masculine definition of success. Over the years, this changed the perception of a society where masculine qualities were seen as the signs of strength and feminine qualities were perceived as the signs of weakness. Conquest, essentially being a masculine quality, was preferred over inclusiveness and empathy. In the patriarchy, any gender exhibiting an inclination towards feminine qualities is considered weak (the primary reason why men refuse to speak up about their mental health, but that’s a topic for another article). The beliefs which arise from such perceptions influence our decisions, consequently, puncturing our social fabric which adds to the woes of the human condition. Moreover, such beliefs are not congruent to our reality. For instance, the leadership capability and effectiveness of an individual is often judged by the gender of an individual. An individual is often expected to lead in a certain way based on his or her gender and when these expectations are not met, the perception of leadership ability is affected negatively, irrespective of the leader’s actual effectiveness. In a masculine culture, a feminine leadership style is considered to be incongruent. This causes people to view those who exhibit the feminine leadership style as not fitting. Such perceptions have got nothing to do with the merits and effectiveness of an individual as a leader. Functioning with such beliefs is equivalent to wearing rose-tinted glasses and viewing the world.
Perceptions on the micro level perforate to the macro level. The organisations, governments and systems that surround us are the representation of our perceptions and beliefs on a larger scale. Inequality is a constant theme in these structures and systems. There is a pattern. Perceptions mould our mindset and our mindsets encourage our actions. When such actions are accepted by the majority, these mindsets evolve into our culture. The actions influenced by these mindsets can be dangerous for the well-being of society. This is the reason why we witness violence (be it physical or verbal) against women for example, time and again, and sadly we have accepted it as a norm.
I feel, this is the reason why fear, control and conquest dominate our human condition. We have tried this approach with our planet too, we have exploited every resource for more power and control and we continue to do so. This is despite the fact that clearly, it hasn’t served us well. I ask, in spite of exploiting every resource and damaging the planet for our benefit, why is there still a section of people who struggle every day to fulfil their basic needs? If the feminine aspect were equally dominant in societal structures, perhaps this situation wouldn’t be so.
When our existence is in a perpetual state of balance, why do we choose to have an imbalanced human condition? Now, more than ever, it is important for us to look within, to acknowledge both feminine and masculine qualities of our being and to strive to balance these to function at the best of our ability. It is crucial to change our perception. Think about it, most of the problems that plague human society can be solved by achieving balance. Our reality is a reflection of our inner state of being. External disharmony reflects internal disharmony.
As a society, I see the potential in us to write a better narrative. Polarities can co-exist within us in much greater equilibrium. As human beings we are more alike than different. It is essential to understand this fact and move towards a more inclusive life, where the underlying similarities override the external differences. It is up to us to change our perception towards the nature of our existence, to acknowledge the dual qualities of our being and to accept these to live a more balanced life. Nurturing the feminine alongside the masculine will lay a strong foundation for an equal, resilient and sustainable social structure. We need more balance in humanity. It is time to change our warped perception of what success really looks like.